5 ways that forgiveness can set you free
Have you been hurt by someone in the past?
And have you found it almost impossible to forgive that person and move on? Do you wonder why forgiveness so hard? I believe finding the courage to forgive someone is one of the most challenging things we can do in life. It is certainly not easy to move on after being hurt.
However, the truth is that we are only doing more damage to ourselves by holding on to this hurt and negativity. Constantly thinking and feeling negative emotions towards someone does not serve us in any way. It can consume us and it can lead to us feeling fatigued and let down. Instead of attracting great things into our life, we are caught up in the past and replaying old memories to justify our feelings towards that person.
I really want to help show you that forgiveness is possible and that there is always something good that can come from a difficult situation. Here I will share with you the reasons that I believe setting yourself free from forgiveness is important…
Use it as an opportunity to reflect. If you have been through a tough time, you will have no choice but to think about it. You will spend time with it running through your head, you may discuss it with friends and gain their opinion too. This is all part of the process of getting over it and moving forward. It’s actually really precious to have the opportunity to reflect on what you have gone through and others may be able to offer you wise words of advice too. I also highly recommend using a journal to write your reflections down. This can be a bit scary but remember you can always burn the bits of paper afterwards if you like (this is also quite cathartic!). Sometimes it helps to write a letter to that person, that you have no intention of sending, but that helps you convey your feelings and get things off your chest.
See it as a learning experience. We are unique individuals and we are shaped by our experiences in life. It may seem hard when you have been hurt by someone, but trying to see it as a learning experience can really help. You will have probably learnt something about yourself during this tough time and actually, that is something to treasure. You will have grown as a person and ultimately, become stronger.
Work hard to find a positive. This is the most challenging but also my favourite part of the forgiveness process. The minute you feel like you have been hurt by someone, tell yourself ‘I know that I can take a positive from this somehow, I’ve just got to figure out a way’. This then becomes a bit of a challenge where you are seeking out a good thing to come out of a bad thing. It may sound counterintuitive, and it may take days, weeks or months to figure out, but it is almost certainly there. For example, a friend may have hurt you, but you may have realised that person is not valuing your friendship. Or a guy may break your heart but actually by being single you can focus on yourself again and regain your independence. Try to remember that everything does happen for a reason
Remember that people change. This is a hard one to grasp, but essentially it is about accepting that the person who hurt you before, may be different now. You may have hated that person for hurting you, but the truth is that people behave in the best way they can at the time, given their personal experiences in life. This is no justification for their behaviour, but if you can keep hold of this concept, it may help you to find a way to forgive. Every human being is changing all the time. And chances are that person has grown as a person since they hurt you and they may warrant your forgiveness now.
Holding grudges is not healthy. Finally and most importantly for you, holding a grudge will only generate negative emotions in yourself. This is not good for your mental health and therefore the only person you are truly punishing is you. What is the point in directing negative feelings towards someone that hurt you? They do not deserve your thoughts or your energy. Send them good wishes and cut them from your thoughts and move forward. You will see so much more beauty come into your life when you make the decision to let go.
Forgiveness is definitely a challenge at times, but if you can find a way to accept what has happened, it will give you the power to move forward and be the shining light as you grow on your life journey!
Jennie, With Love xx
