How to fall in love when you’ve lost all hope

Falling in love is hard to do but trust in the universe and it will come true… 5 top tips to finding true love.

Have you always wanted to fall in love and feel on top of the world? Do you see other people looking so in love and wish it could be you one day? Do you watch movies and wonder if it is actually possible or if it really is just an act? 

I have felt all these things. I honestly felt like everyone else was falling in love around me and that I would never be that person. Maybe I wasn’t lovable, or maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. I tried to pretend that I loved being single, and at times I did. But the truth is I have always dreamed of the white wedding, fairytale love story and starting a family in a loving relationship. 

I hadn’t struggled to meet people and I had dated guys and had boyfriends on and off. I certainly had settled for people who, on reflection, were clearly not right for me. And I would always find myself making excuses when they didn’t treat me right. 

I ended up getting to the point where I honestly thought that it was not possible for me to fall in love. All I wanted was to meet someone I could be myself with, feel super happy and share a life together, but somehow that seemed impossible.

I had a really lovely chat with my mum yesterday which triggered me to share this with you. She recalled a time I was sobbing to her and saying how I would never meet anyone or have a family. I had definitely blocked that memory from my mind, but in hindsight it was an important turning point for me. I think it is actually really important to look back at those moments when you feel so low and you just don’t know what else to do. They can be moments of enlightenment without you even realising.

So, how did I go from never thinking I’d find ‘the one’ to finding my incredible man, settling down and starting a family in just a year? Here are my five top tips to help you do just that.

 1. Surround yourself with inspiring people

Firstly, and most importantly, who you surround yourself with is very important in your relationship journey - and that includes friends, family, work colleagues, etc. It is very easy to be stuck in a rut and talk negatively about your relationship situation and about men in general. If you wanted to find a friend to chat to and moan about the guy you are dating I am sure you could. However constantly replaying these negative scenarios doesn’t get you anywhere (as great as it feels at the time to wallow in self pity and how unfair things can be). Take a moment to notice who you are spending your time and how you are speaking about relationships/men. If you get into a negative conversation, try to shift it to something positive about relationships, or change the subject completely. Think about people in your life who have really positive relationships - it could be friendships or romantic relationships. When I was single, even when I found it hard to believe I could meet someone, I surrounded myself with people who were in happy relationships, and could tell me their stories that helped me believe love is real.

 2. Do things that make you happy

Take the time to consider what stuff you enjoy in life and then spend the time doing those things. It sounds simple and it really is! When I was single I joined a new running club and I also went on a day hiking trip with a meetup group called ‘AAA’ - both of these really pushed me out of my comfort zone. I remember the first night I went to the running club and I was so nervous that I nearly didn’t bother going! But it was genuinely the best thing I did to help me settle into where I lived and do something for myself. I made a gorgeous new friend who was also single so we had lots of fun training together and sharing stories of our dating life! I couldn’t recommend highly enough just joining a new local club - it could be a gym, dance club, walking group, choir, book club, or anything really. Don’t join with any expectations of meeting someone, just go with the intention of having fun!

 3. Put it out there that you are looking for love

I have been quite coy in the past about my love life. I haven’t shared that much and I have often kept my feelings to myself. However I recommend doing the opposite. The minute I changed my approach and started being more open and honest on my quest for true love, the more I found I progressed. It was only a small switch in my behaviour - I would just tell people I was single but keen to meet someone and settle down. I would tell friends and family but also business colleagues and new friends - pretty much anyone that I met! There was one point where I had so many family friends setting me up on dates it was quite funny! And I am so grateful that they did as it all helped me on my journey.

 4. Say yes to stuff

This applies to anything and everything. Even when you can’t be bothered, go out and have a laugh with your friends, go on a blind date and go to that family gathering you may have been dreading! By saying yes you are being more open to ideas and new things and you will start attracting even more great stuff into your life. I think back to times when I was single and at some points I was doing nothing but working, sleeping and walking my dog (although that said, dog walking can be a great way to meet new people!). I was making excuses to not do anything else and putting barriers in the way of potential opportunities.

 5. Be yourself

This one may be the hardest but the most important one. How many times have you tried to change for someone in a relationship for the sake of trying to make it work? I remember I felt I used to be too ‘nice’ and no one would want to be with me if I was like that. However I came to accept that I was me, a unique being and I should certainly not try to change myself as I would never meet the perfect guy that way. This I believe to be so true. It really is possible to meet someone who loves you for you. You just need to be yourself and accept yourself first.

“Be yourself - everyone else is already taken” - Oscar Wilde

Jennie, With Love xx