5 tips on how to get over a broken heart and turn your life around
Hands up if you’ve ever had a broken heart?
Chances are the answer to this question is yes. Sometimes it may be love, and sometimes it may just be lust, but that doesn’t matter at the time. When your heart is broken there is genuinely nothing worse.
Relationships are tough
Why are relationships so hard sometimes? At times they can make you feel so powerless, when you are really into someone and you get butterflies when you receive a message from them. But equally they then have the power to turn your world upside down and hurt you.
I felt like this in the summer of 2018. I was with a guy who I really liked and I felt we really clicked together. It was so refreshing for me at the time and I thought we could have a future. I was getting all the right signs and we had so much fun when we hung out! But then one day, all of a sudden, he was gone. He ‘ghosted’ me completely.
Now, for any of you that don’t know what ghosting is (and trust me, I didn’t back then!) - it is when someone that you have been messaging/dating/in a relationship with suddenly stops responding to you.
Getting over it is hard to do
The dating game in the 21st century isn’t easy. It is full of people with extremely busy lives, who are probably seeing multiple people at once to make sure they get the best deal! But it is possible to meet someone who you click and get on with - step one, tick! Then however, if and when that person disappears on you with no explanation, you are left (like I was), baffled and confused. It caused me to question so much stuff... Was there something wrong with me? Did I say or do something wrong? Had he met someone else? I stayed in this victim mentality mode for a while, but eventually I had a lightbulb moment...
I read this quote and it literally changed my life....
“Endings happen so you can begin again”
I don’t know why this resonated with me so much, but it just did. It made me realise that what had happened was out of my control, and I needed to be okay with the idea of not getting any clarity on what or why this had happened. I tried communicating with the guy (bad idea!) and this didn’t get me anywhere. I talked to my friends to try to find a reason and understand it more, but again this didn’t help as it was all just guess work.
Ultimately, the only way I could move on was by focusing on the meaning behind that quote that hit home with me so much. For whatever reason, he wasn’t the right guy and so I had no choice but to just pick myself back up and try again (not easy). I saw this as an opportunity to start fresh, to gain perspective on the situation and move forward.
5 top tips to get over a broken heart
I hope that quote resonates with you too, but if you want some more of my top tips, here are the things that I found helped me massively to ‘get over it’ and turn my life around...
1. Delete him off social media
First things first, we all know watching insta stories and facebook stalking is unhealthy! I know so many people who don’t want to take this step, because they want to maintain that connection and closure is hard. But that connection is a sure way to keep you longing for that person. If they don’t want to be with you then they have no right to know what’s going on in your life. And more importantly, it’s not good for your mental health (or broken heart!) to see images of him popping up on your feed from time to time when he is out having a good time (or worse, when he is with his new girlfriend!). This step is possibly the hardest to do, but do it guilt free and you won’t regret it! If you can, go one step further and block him because this will mean you can’t even search for him.
2. Dispose of all memories of him
This is similar to step number one, but is more related to your physical memories of him. Any photos you have, gifts you have or those keepsake memories (like from the you went to that gig together). All of our material things have energy, and by having these things around you they will evoke emotions that will bring back the memories and heartbreak. It is also true that over time you will forget the bad things that may have happened in your relationship and instead you will look at things with rose tinted glasses. That is just human nature. By cleansing your physical space of his memories you will help yourself to detox him out of your life. I know this step isn’t easy, especially when this stuff means something to you, but once it is done it is done. And time is the best healer.
3. Do not communicate with him
It is all too easy to send a text to him to seek more answers. And equally you may receive a text from your ex that leaves you wondering why he sent it or what it all means. Either way, this opens you up to more hurt and a longer journey out of this heartbreak. Maybe this should be my number one rule, but essentially, do not communicate with your ex under any circumstance. It may sound harsh, but any communication will leave you longing for more answers and thinking about him more. It will trigger you to then analyse if he will reply back, or if you should suggest meeting up to ‘talk’ (again, something I would not recommend). Although the ‘no contact rule’ can be tough, the easiest way to do this is to delete (and block) his number completely. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, then ask your best friend to do it for you and that way they can keep you accountable to sticking to this rule.
4. Journal and write things down
This top tip isn’t something that would come to mind naturally as a step in the ‘getting over heartbreak’ process. However I have come to realise this is invaluable. I have copious amounts of notebooks with all sorts of crazy writing in them about past relationships (I must remember to burn them one day!!). And there is something about getting your thoughts and feelings on paper that helps you to move on. It’s almost as if you have delivered that message to the universe and you can sleep peacefully knowing it is out of your head. It sort of gives you closure. I know it helped me feel as if I had actually said those things to that person (even though there is no way I would have sent any of the letters I wrote!) and then you feel quietly calm (and smug) that you have done so. So my top tip number four is to buy yourself a gorgeous journal that you love and write your feelings down (sounds scary, I know!). Put your favourite music on, get yourself a hot cup of tea and a naughty snack (for me, that is always a bar of Galaxy!) and force yourself to put pen to paper. Just see what comes out. Write about how you are feeling, write down things that you want to say to your ex, or simply write some lists of all the bad things that you won’t miss about him! Keep writing and I guarantee you will have a lightbulb moment eventually and feel so ready to move on.
5. Do things you love and say yes!
Finally, and my favourite piece of advice, is to focus on the things you love and say yes to things more. We can be so risk averse and love to stay in our comfort zones, copying our routines day in and day out. However when you are out of your comfort zone that is when the magic happens! When your friend says to you ‘do you fancy coming to this dance class with me?’ or ‘are you free for a blind date?’ don’t say no and stay home, just go for it. The more things you do like this, the more you learn about yourself and grow as a person. It doesn’t matter if you don’t ever do it again, but what matters is that you have put yourself into the mode of ‘I am up for having fun and trying new things’. This is refreshing and a great way to move on. You can use your journal to help with this tip too. I find it useful to write lists of the things I love doing. Often we forget if we are doing things for the sake of it, or because we genuinely enjoy it. So get you journal out again and write down some stuff you love doing, or think you may want to try. It could be cooking, taking a bath, hiking, reading, going to the cinema. Anything goes! Essentially, spend your time doing fun things and over time that ex will be a distant memory...
And remember…
“Endings happen so you can begin again”
Jennie, With Love xx
