Why we should be more open about therapy and how it can improve our lives…
What is your view on therapy?
Do you think that if someone says to you they have a counsellor they are weak? Or that they must have ‘issues’.
I guess if I was totally honest I probably used to think this way and make a judgement on people. Although to be honest it is quite unlikely that people would share that they had a therapist or were seeing a counsellor in the past too. That has somewhat changed now, although I am sure there is still some way to go.
Theories on therapy
I want to share with you my theory on therapy. What I have experienced and how I feel about it today.
I used to believe that everyone should have a therapist, a coach, someone to guide them through their lives. And this person could, of course, change over time.
We have many ‘coaches’ in our lives. And people hold different purposes for us at different times. For example, your best friend will empathise with you when your heart is broken, or your brother or sister may support you through a challenging time with your parents... People come in and out of our lives at different times and perform different roles of support for us. It can be hard to accept this sometimes, as we drift apart from people that we were once close to. I have certainly felt sad at the loss of a friendship in the past, but over time I have come to realise that I should be grateful for the relationship and fun times I had with that person and ultimately, that she was in my life for a reason. People change and they grow apart and accepting this is a route to growth and freedom.
My experiences of therapy
Anyway, back to the topic of therapists... In 2018 I was introduced to a coach - Ikila by my cousin Lisa. I was desperate for some guidance at the time and in a very confused state. I felt like I needed to do something to make a change in my life but I did not know where or how to do this. I didn’t feel I could get this from someone close to me, because everyone almost knew too much about my situation. I remember the day, it was December 27th 2018 and I had just experienced a lovely, but somewhat lonely, Christmas. I sent Ikila a message to introduce myself, and ask for a session to see if we could work together on the subject of love and relationships. I was at a dead end, single and 31 years old. When just a year before I was engaged to be married and ready to settle down and start a family. I had gone through three rounds of fertility treatment to freeze my eggs so I could one day either start a family on my own (which I was terrified about by the way) or if I did one day meet someone I could use my eggs with IVF to conceive.
With just one catch up with Ikila I felt better and things had lifted slightly. I was very open and shared a lot of information with her about my experiences and why I needed some help.
The best thing was that she listened to me and helped me reflect on my situation. She gave me ideas and options for how we could work together and this helped me see a way forward. I remember her saying to me ‘the minute you sent me that message after Christmas you will have started the change process’, and she was right. From that moment I had decided that I didn’t want to be ‘stuck’ in my situation anymore and I needed to do something significant to progress. I believe this is a really key point, as ultimately you have to be ready and willing to change yourself - there is no use in other people encouraging or pushing you to do this.
After a week or so we then had our first proper face to face session. What struck me most was how I didn’t need to share everything that was going on in my life, or that had happened in my past. I think a lot of therapy relies on digging up the past and searching for reasons that things are a certain way. However what I love about working with Ikila is she doesn’t need to know all this stuff. She doesn’t need to know about my parents splitting up, my relationship breaking down, and she doesn’t judge. She helps you appreciate the person you are right now, and how your experiences have all fed in to the person you are today, and that basis is something you can build on. She has helped me to really appreciate and be grateful for everything that has happened in the past, and to address my limiting beliefs to build on myself for the future.
Reflections on therapy
I remember during our first chat I said to her ‘I think everyone should have a therapist’. She actually disagreed which I was so shocked about at the time. She said that she only needs a couple of sessions with someone to make significant progress, maybe a couple more depending on what we are working on. I was shocked, and not sure if I agreed or believed this would be possible. Anyway I went ahead and the results were just amazing - let’s just say that I totally agree with her now!
After just a few sessions (maybe 3?) I had progressed so much. I basically discovered a new sense of love and happiness in my life. I spent time doing the things I loved and I accepted and let go of my past relationship. I started dating and having a bit of fun again in my life.
To cut a long story short I met the love of my life just 3 months later, then just 9 months later we found out we were expecting a baby. If that isn’t magic I don’t know what is...
I would love to hear about your experiences of therapy and how you feel it has impacted your life!
Jennie, With Love xx
